Sunday, December 7, 2008

Up & Down

Recently I've been having quite a few good days. The "blah" portion of the depression hasn't been bad at all. The fatigue portion though continues to kick my butt.

Yesterday was a prime example. I got to sleep in and it was a lazy morning. I felt good, all things considered. As the day progressed, I just got more and more "tired". Not sleepy - just tired. We went shopping then drove about 4 hours. Before the shopping was over, the tired began. I popped a ritalin and had a coke. An hour later as we were on the road, the tired continued. Now typically I love driving. Maybe because it doesn't require a lot of energy so I don't feel fatigued. No such luck today. The tired continued and I popped another. Two hours later I was still d-r-a-g-g-i-n-g and popped the third.

We ate dinner with some friends and were going to a football game. Rather than continue to be "dull", I popped the 4th. Finally awake and alert enough to engage in conversations and be myself.

The blahs never really entered the picture - though I have to admit part of that was because I was with someone the whole day. The blah-blues usually attack the worst when I'm alone. (Being almost unemployed and working from my house when I am employed, doesn't help this).

My gf & I had a good opportunity to discuss the upcoming operation. I've concocted a "story' to cover the surgery.... (I've pulled the concocted story out from previous posts to further the anonymity).

I've found another person's blog about their DBS. He's a parkinson's DBS patient. Here. He's got some good points and I will definately ask about the "steel ball ear plug portion of the halo/frame procedure" which bothered him.

He's doing well and I appreciate his willingness to share. I'll try to be as detailed.


Anonymous said...


I came across you blog and I wanted to take a moment to wish you good luck, an uneventful surgery and most importantly wellness.

You are fortunate in my thinking to have been accepted into a study. As I’m sure you understand from your own mood disorder there are individuals truly desperate to try almost anything to obtain some degree of wellness but unfortunately as in the case of VNS, while FDA approved, they cannot access the therapy for financial reasons. You didn’t mention investigating rTMS or MST amongst other neuromodulation therapies. rTMS was recently FDA approved but again the question will arise whether CMS will reimburse for this costly therapy. It appears only those who suffer these horrific illnesses, their support people and their attending physicians truly understand the dire need for the affordability and availability of these additional treatment options for this very unique and seriously ill population of disadvantaged patients.

I shall forward on the link to your site to a dear friend who was recently implanted as a DBS study subject for Depression out of Columbia in New York. I’m sure my friend may be very interested in your blog and I’ll leave it at that.

Once again, I wish you the best and should you have any need for discussion feel free to either contact me at or my website.


278-005 said...

Thanks. Actually when I looked for alternatives to ECT I came across your website and blogs and learned a lot.

In fact, initially I contacted the hospital to be a VNS "controlled dosage" participant. They are experimenting with how much is enough and how much is too much. I qualified for that study, but in the mean time, the hospital I was working with started taking applicants for the dbs. I'm impressed with VNS but ultimately believe DBS is "it" for me. (Optimist)

I'd love to be a trial for the rTMS, but I didn't find anyone taking guinea pigs.

Anonymous said...


One other point I forgot to mention that might be of some interest to you and others was that I came across your blog through Dr. Shock MD PhD’s blog site and his mention of your undertaking.

He’s an extremely fine, knowledgeable and apparently caring physician in my opinion as well as an accomplished photographer along with being a very informative blogger. I’ve had the pleasure of corresponding with him and obviously along with his interest in you and that of many of us we all wish you success as you take us along in your adventure.

I shall take the liberty to express the fact that as a very, very long-time support person and caregiver to my spouse as well as a proactive mental health advocate and activist I do not quite agree with your thoughts as it relates to not sharing your challenges with your children or others. These are life threatening battles that many face and are not a sign of personal weakness but an example of personal inner strength and courage. It is in my opinion an opportunity to educate others to the devastating, potentially deadly and horrific nature of these illnesses and the willingness and bravery of people like my spouse, you and others who I have come to know who volunteer themselves in the hope of achieving wellness for themselves and others.

Other than that I truly admire your courage and fortitude.

Good luck.


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